How to Stop Gaslighting Yourself… if you are.

“Have you ever told yourself, ‘I’m just being dramatic,’ ‘Maybe I’m overreacting,’ or ‘I shouldn’t feel this way’? That could be self-gaslighting.”

When we hear "gaslighting," we usually think of manipulative relationships someone intentionally making another person question their reality. But what happens when the person doing the gaslighting... is you?

Self-gaslighting is the subtle, often unconscious habit of minimising your feelings, invalidating your experiences to make it more palatable for other or for yourself.

This behaviour most likely stems from:

• Childhood experiences (e.g., invalidation by caregivers)

• Traumatic relationships

• Societal conditioning (especially around emotions)

Shaped by years of messages like:

“You’re being too sensitive.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

 “Other people have it worse.”

  “You’re just overthinking it.”

Some examples of self-gaslighting are:

• Telling yourself your boundaries are "too much"

• Dismissing your gut feelings

• Minimising your own pain

It can sound like:

“Maybe I’m just imagining things.”

“I’m probably overreacting.”

“I shouldn’t feel this way.”

“They didn’t mean it like that.”

And the most dangerous one:

“It’s not a big deal.”

When you gaslight yourself, you disconnect from your inner compass also known as your intuition. You stop trusting yourself and you become your own worst critic, always second-guessing your emotions. Over time, this erodes your boundaries, confidence and even your sense of reality.

The signs of self-gaslighting are:

• Chronic self-doubt

• Feeling like your emotions need to be justified

• Apologising constantly or second-guessing your decisions

Healing can start when you give yourself permission to:

• Feel things without judgment.

• Name experiences, even if they were messy or complicated.

• Say, “That hurt,” without needing to justify it.

• Sit with discomfort instead of dismissing it.

How to Stop Self-Gaslighting

1. Name it

   • Awareness is the first step. We can ask ourselves what is going on within and around me.

   • Learn to notice the internal language of gaslighting.

2. Validate your emotions

   • You don’t need “proof” to feel something.

   • Emotions are data—not directives, but they are real.

3. Reframe your inner dialogue

   • From “I’m just being sensitive” → “I’m allowed to feel this way. 

4. Set emotional boundaries with yourself

   • Catch the urge to immediately explain or downplay feelings.

5. Seek support

   • Therapy or talking to a trusted friend. Journaling can help express oneself and see patterns. 

 “Was there a recent moment where you dismissed your feelings? What did you tell yourself in that moment?”

You deserve to be heard.