Understanding Forgiveness

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoing, granting legal mercy, or reconciling a relationship.

You can forgive a person while in no way believing that their actions were acceptable or justified. On the other hand, simply saying the words “I forgive you” or accepting an apology is not forgiveness. In fact, forgiveness can occur without ever speaking to the wrongdoer. Forgiveness is an emotional change that occurs within the person who has been wronged.

What forgiveness is:

• The decision to overcome pain that was inflicted by another person.

• Letting go of anger, resentment, shame, and other emotions associated with an injustice, even though they are reasonable feelings.

• Treating the offender with compassion, even though they are not entitled to it.

What forgiveness isn’t:

• Reconciliation (repairing or returning to a relationship).

• Forgetting the injustice.

• Condoning or excusing the offender’s behaviour.

• Granting legal mercy to the offender.

• “Letting go”, but wishing for revenge.

Unforgiveness and Its Impact

Unforgiveness can affect your health. In the long term, it can make you more vulnerable to disease and raise your blood pressure, putting a strain on your heart. Unforgiveness can affect your relationships and how you relate to your nearest and dearest.

Forgiveness is about you rather than the person who hurt you.

Navigating Through Forgiveness

The first step towards forgiveness is validation that what happened actually hurt.

It can be helpful to view forgiveness as a process rather than a destination.

It is unfair to yourself and unrealistic if you place the expectancy that forgiveness is a one-time event that magically removes your memory and feelings associated with what has happened.

Ultimately, forgiveness is a choice to no longer carry the burden of the offence, even if you still experience feelings of hurt.

If you would like a safe safe to unpack past or current hurt, please get in contact and let's talk about how we can work together.